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Question: She Got Married to Help Someone Stay in the U.S.A. Is It O.K. Now for Her to Sleep With Any One She Chooses?


I received this question in a comment to an earlier post:

Red Question Mark

I have a step daughter who married a guy so he could stay in the U.S.A. she keeps saying its ok for her to sleep with whom ever she wants because of this. I am worried that she is sinning when saying and doing this. What should i do or say about this. Is she right or wrong. I have researched it but can’t find the answer anywhere. Please help if you can. Thank you.

Marriage is too sacred to be treated so lightly. It is one of God’s greatest gifts to man, a gift that changed God’s verdict on his original creation from “Good” to “Very Good.”

Yet, it is something the human race as a whole has treated casually.

To marry a “guy so he could stay in the U.S.A.” makes someone else’s staying in this country of greater importance than one’s own citizenship in the kingdom of heaven. Then to say, “…it’s o.k. to sleep with whom ever she wants because of this” (I guess the ‘this’ there is the sham of a marriage?) flies in the face of all God has said about how the two sexes are to relate to one another.

God’s plan for marriage is that it be between a man and a woman “until death do us part.” They are to be faithful to each other. They are to honor and respect each other. Indeed, they are to love one another.

As a single person, did she justify sleeping with whomever she chose? Is the fact that her “marriage” is a “sham” her justification now? What makes her believe God has no advice for her on this sort of conduct?

What does her father say about this? What you will be able to say to her will depend much on the sort of relationship you have with her, as well as how her father feels about her actions.

It is tragic that so many have sold themselves so cheaply, so many that the American culture in general thinks there is nothing at all to be concerned with in a promiscuous lifestyle. They believe God just doesn’t want them to have any fun, without stopping to think that as the One who created sex just might have some ideas about how it should be used without abusing it.

In marriage, it is a part of the glue that binds a couple together. It can deepen the love-relationship between the married couple. Outside of marriage, unbridled sex ends up hurting people – often, many people. The biblical word for what your daughter is doing is fornication. This means any immoral or forbidden sexual activity; that is, it is any sex without the commitment of marriage.

Of course, the world in general scoffs at this. That makes about as much sense as scoffing at the auto-maker’s recommendation that the oil level in the crankcase is important to the functioning of the car. You ignore the maker’s recommendations at your own peril, and we ignore God’s teachings at our own peril as well.

You are right to be concerned. I wish I could tell you how to handle the situation, but it sounds as if your step-daughter is headstrong and unlikely to listen to any council from you. Hopefully she will grow up and begin to act like a real adult instead of the plastic adulthood she seems to be living, the kind of sophomoric “adulthood of an “Adult Bookstore.” God is a loving God who still loves her in her rebellion. He loves her so much that Jesus lived and died to save her from herself. To the woman taken in adultery, he said, “Go and sin no more.” (See John 8:1-11.) I believe he would say the same to your step-daughter.

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