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QUESTION: My Lover Doesn’t Go To Church. Should I Dump Him?


Red Question MarkI have been with this man for 15 years. I know its wrong not to be married, but we are supposed to marry soon. My question is that I am a church goer and love JESUS, but he does not go to church. I don’t know what to do… do I dump him just because he does not go?  Thank you; I need advice.

The world we live in says that you have no problem. You, however, realize that you do have a problem. Otherwise you would not be asking for advice. You wonder if you should dump him because he will not go to church with you. That is one problem you see. Yet, you also say that you know that living with him without a covenant of marriage is wrong. That is another problem.

So, there are two problems here: your present relationship with this man and whether you should dump him or not.

Among many passages in the Bible that show your present relationship with him is wrong is Ephesians 5:3, “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” Though our society sees nothing wrong with almost any sexual conduct between consenting partners, the God who made us knows us better than that. He knows that sex without the commitment of marriage leads to much pain and suffering – not only within the people involved, but also their families and even society at large.

Accordingly, His plan for sex is that it be restricted to marriage. In fact, His ideal is one spouse for life.

You need either to marry, as you indicate you have plans to do soon, or else get out of your present relationship. My advice is that you not wait, but do one of these immediately.

That would solve the problem of your current relationship with him, but should you dump him? Do you want to be married to a man who will not go to church with you? Paul talks about a believer married to a non-believer in 1 Corinthians 7:12-15.

If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances. God has called us to live in peace.

Since your man is content for you to go to Christian assembly without any obstruction on his part, it sounds as if he is satisfied to live with you. If you were married to him, Paul says that you should not leave him. But you are not married to him. If you were married and he were not content to live with you as a Christian, then you should let him leave,but a Christian partner should not initiate any separation.

If he refuses to marry you because you want to do what God teaches you to do, then you should leave him, and ask God’s forgiveness for the fifteen years of living with him.

But there is something I do not understand. You say you are trying to worship and serve God, but you have lived with a man not your husband for 15 years while you know that this is wrong. While living with him, you agonize about whether or not you should “dump him” because he does not go to church. To me, this smacks of “straining at a gnat and swallowing a camel.”

My judgment is that you should get married as soon as possible. Even if you do get married, still pray to God for forgiveness for the 15 years you have lived with this man out of wedlock.

Take your relationship to God seriously, which you have not been doing for the past 15 years. Then perhaps you will be able influence your husband to serve God along with you (See 1 Peter 3:1-6).

God is merciful and gracious. He says that what you are doing is sinful, but He wants to forgive you and help you to have a better life. Jesus said He came that we might have abundant life (John 10:10). To have this abundant life, though, we need to recognize Him as Lord. This means we must follow Him. Let me encourage you to do that. Accept His way and His plan for how you should live your life. What is past is past – and can be forgiven in Christ. The point is to do as he said to one woman who was dragged to Him after being caught in the act of adultery, “Go and sin no more” (John 8:11).

 

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